All or Nothing
by Maxwell Alana
Summary: [ S+S, angst, songfic, please review! ] It's my first ever Card Captor Sakura fic. I would appreciate comments!


**Card Captor Sakura**  
  
"All or Nothing"  
by. _alana-chan  
  
  
I know when he's been on your mind  
The distant look is in your eyes  
  
_ "Sakura?" The silence was killing him. Usually it was all that Li was used to, but ever since he had become much closer with Sakura, to the point that they had once kissed brought him to a level he had never quite experienced. Both being now thirteen, the thoughts of a relationship was beginning to work. They had been going out for almost a year. Romance in vision, Tomoyo had always said. Meilin would still feel jealous occasionally, but she accepted the fact that _her_ Li was with her. 'Take care of him, Avalon!' She said with a nod. Li had been embarrassed because of her, but Sakura seemed to fix it all. 'She always knows what to do..' He realized. But now.. rumors coming from Tomoyo of another man, namely Yukito, had come in her mind. Today, it was their eighth month together, and even though they were supposed to spend it together, the thought of Sakura loving someone else was something that Li couldn't think of at all. He had told her of what he thought just now, and she became quiet all of a sudden.   
  
_I thought with time you'd realize  
It's over, it's over  
And something somewhere's got to give  
As sharing this relationship gets older, older  
  
_ As he began to place his hand over hers, she jerked away hesitantly. "Li.." She whispered. As her eyes looked up, they were misty. Tears slipped down her eyes. Not bothering to clean them off, she stood up, and shook her head. "I can't.. I really can't.. I'm sorry.." She ran off, away from the park.   
"Sakura..!" Li shouted after her disappearing form. "Sakura! Come back! What's wrong?" He was about to run after her, but stopped. 'I hurt her..' He thoughtfully blamed himself. Lowering his eyes, he clenched his fists, and with the turn of his sneaker, headed the other way, back home.   
  
_You know I'd fight for you  
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there  
  
_ '**What do you mean?**' Silence... '**Sakura?**'  
'**I can't handle it, Li. Not anymore..**'  
'**What are you talking about?**'  
'**Your possessiveness.. I can't handle it anymore.**' Her voice trembled against the receiver. Her hand clutched to it tightly, while she fought tears. Sakura was home with her father and her brother. 'I love you, but I can't hold you.. You hold me now.. and I don't want that..'  
  
_I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you  
I don't care it it's unfair**  
  
'**_What are you trying to say..?'  
'**Li.. it's over.. goodbye..**' *click*  
'**Sakura? Sakura! No! Sakura!**' Li stared at the empty receiver and shook his head. "No.. Sakura. What happened..?" Placing it down gently, he stared at his empty residence, before grabbing his jacket and leaving his house. 'I'm going to find out what's happening..'  
  
_Cause I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
There's nowhere left to fall  
When you reach the bottom, it's now or never  
  
_ "Oh Li.." Sakura dropped the phone, and sank to the floor. Curling up in a fetal position, she sobbed, her body shaking at each sad moan escaping her throat. "It's true, I still love Yukito. As much as I love Li, I feel connected to Yukito. I feel so low.. but he insists on holding me tightly. I can't get away. I don't want to deal with the fact of losing him to a mistake I made.. even though.. I already _did it_..."  
  
_Is it all  
Or are we just friends  
Is this how it ends  
With a simple telephone call  
You leave me, with nothing at all.  
  
_ "She's not seeing anyone, Syaoran. She told me that." Touya said simply, with a worried hint in his voice. "Can you tell me why though? Sakura's usually bouncy. If she isn't cooking, she's cleaning, or playing. Not today though.."  
"It's something that happened.." Li muttered, his eyes lowered at the ground. "Can I just see her? It's important.." Looking up, he bit his lip, and stared ahead. Touya blinked, then nodded with a smile.  
"Sure, maybe you'll snap her out of her silent mood. Come on in." Touya led him in, then pointed to the second door upstairs. "There's her room. I hope you have luck. Please bring her back." Touya actually sounded worried. Li just stared at him. 'Sakura..'   
Walking to the stairs, he went up slowly, each step making him more nervous. At he finally made it, he went to the door, and knocked on it slowly.  
"Go away!" a muffled, sobbing voice replied. Li winced, then swallowed. Narrowing his eyes, he turned the knob and pushed it in. In the corner of the brightly-lit room, which he remembered when he and Cerbero switched bodies, on her knees, was Sakura.  
"... I can't.." He took a step back, and ran out. He would hear Sakura cry out his name, but he would continue to run. He had never been more scared in his life, except for comforting the girl he loved in his arms. He never envisioned holding her and wiping away her tears, ever.  
  
_There are times it seems to me  
I'm sharing you with memories  
I feel it in my heart  
But I don't show it, show it  
  
_He gently touched the picture, one of the many pictures that Tomoyo had taken of Sakura and himself. With a sigh, he held it close to him, then stared out the window. 'I never thought loving could be so overwhelming and painful. I sit here now, with her picture, not knowing what she could be doing now. She could be with Yukito now, but I am not too sure..' Angry now, Li punched the pillow, and shut his eyes. 'No.. can't cry.. can't cry!' He made no sounds, but his tears wouldn't listen. "No.. my God.. I never thought I would miss her. I used to hate her, then rival against her.. but I love her.. Sakura.." Placing the picture down, he layed back on the couch, shaking his head in total shame.  
  
_And then there's times you look at me  
As though I'm all you can see  
Those times I don't believe it's right  
I know it, know it.  
  
_"Syaoran.." Imagining him each moment killed her. Sakura finished vacuuming the rugs, before sitting down on the couch. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she closed her eyes, and thought of him. It was all she could think of, nothing more. As the doorbell rang, she didn't bother getting up. Touya glanced at her from the kitchen, and shook his head as he walked to the door. Hearing it open, Sakura glanced at the door, and nearly cried out in terror. "He's here.."  
'Why did I bother?' He asked himself while staring at Touya's curious face. His own turned red, as he eyed the flowers in his hand. "Um.." he started, "Can I see Sakura?"  
"Sure. Hey Sakura!" Touya turned around, seeing Sakura starting to retreat. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm. "Not this time. While you're not crying.. talk to him. I'll be back." With a toothy grin, he walked back to the kitchen. Sakura watched him leave, then turned to Li. He looked straight at her, very foward, but she could tell he was nervous.   
"Sakura.." Li started, "I wanted to say.. for everything.. I'm sorry.. I really am.." He handed the flowers to her. Sakura accepted them, and held them close to her.  
"They're beautiful.. thank you.." Sakura replied softly. "Li, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this.. I was just tired of everything.. "  
"No need to explain.. I understand, but.. this relationship.."  
"I promise -- "  
"No, don't promise.."  
  
_Don't make me promises  
Baby, you never knew how to keep them well_  
_  
_Li then pulled her gently outside, closing the door to the house. As they stood outside, without hesitation, he wrapped his around around her waist and pulled her close. "It's hard times, I know. But please.. don't push me away. I know I am very protective of you, Sakura. I don't mean to be that way, but I cannot help myself.." Sakura, still stunned, just allowed herself to be held. Her eyes were in a shameful look, and she.. she was just feeling surprised. 'I didn't think he wo...'  
  
_I've had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
It's time for show and tell  
  
_ Pushing her slightly from the embrace, Li swallowed some air, before leaning over, and placing his lips upon hers. His eyes closed, he expected her to pull away. She didn't. Sakura seemed to melt into his tenderness, and love. Gently, she returned it, one arm around him, the other holding the flowers still. Reluctantly, he pulled away, then turned around. "Sakura.. when you're ready.." Walking down the steps, he walked to the gate, turned around, and waved slightly. With a small smile, he left.  
"I'll be waiting.." Tears welled in Sakura's eyes as she walked back inside. Closing the door, she leaned against it and slid down. Almost on schedule, Touya came back.  
"Where'd he go?" He asked confusedly as he leaned down to Sakura's temporary height, and gently took the flowers. Clearing her sight, Sakura smiled and shook her head.  
"He'll be back.. when he's ready.." Touya smiled and nodded. Running a hand through his sister's hair, he got up and walked to put the flowers in a vase.   
  
_Cause you and I  
Could lose it all if you've got no more room  
No room inside for me in your life  
  
_ 'Li.. I am not ready for you now.. not yet..' She thought as she stared at the night sky from her bed. "When I can be fair, come back to me, or I'll come back to you. I promise you.. even though you told me not to promise.. I do.." With a smile, she walked to her light, and shut it off. Climbing onto her bed, she closed her eyes, and fell asleep.  
  
_Cause I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
There's no where left to fall  
It's now or never**  
**  
_"I'll be there.. no.. _we'll_ be there when we are ready.." Li whispered out the window, as he turned off the light.  
  
-- The End_  
_  



End file.
